I recently read an article that stated that up to 80% of women admit to faking an orgasm. These statistics were found in a research study done by Gayle brewer of the University of Central Lancashire and Colin Hendrie of the University of Leeds.
It seems that in this study of 71 women between the ages of 18 and 48 faked different love sounds to bring their partners to climax. So what does this tell us? Well from the point of view of a teacher of sacred sexuality and sex educator it tells us that sexual intercourse for most women is unsatisfying. I believe this is primarily due to the fact that most men do not really know how a woman’s physiology works or what will cause her to have a vaginal orgasm. The average guy may even think that women respond similarly to the way men do when having intercourse. I mean if there can still be some doubt that women are capable of ejaculating, even though there is more than enough viable proof that it really does happen, then of course their can be many men who still don’t know how to bring a woman to orgasm during sexual intercourse.
The funny thing about this article was that it also states that women use vocalization when having sex with their partners to speed things up, so that their partner will feel better and have his ”release” sooner than later. It was also mentioned that when the women were actually experiencing an orgasm during oral sex they were not being as vocal, so that the vocalization was a way to get their partners to complete the sex act. This implied of course that the only reason a woman would do this is because they were either bored or in pain or just tired of sex.
So what is the solution to this problem? Well of course from a tantric point of view it just says that it is time for men, and I mean most all men given these statistics, to take a brush-up course on women’s sexual physiology, maybe something like a Sex Ed 101 for men, as well as a few courses or workshops on the art of lovemaking. There is so much information available now just on the internet that can provide everything a man needs to know about a woman’s body and about how to communicate with his partner, there should be no need for women to have to fake orgasms.One great resource is Tantra.com and I highly recommend checking it out.
It is the responsibility of each person in a sexual relationship to take responsibility for their own pleasure while at the same time learning what pleases your partner. The only sure way to know this is to talk about sex and what turns you on in bed. Wishing and hoping that your partner will somehow know, even after years of being together, is not taking responsibility for your own pleasure. Faking love sounds may be one to give your partner encouragement but if you really don’t feel those sounds and you are consistently faking them because you are bored, then you are creating a wedge of untruthfulness and dishonesty in your relationship that won’t serve to create the intimacy, closeness, mutual trust and safety we all really want. So, if you have been ‘faking it’, then it is time to clear the air and tell the truth. It is really in your best interests, and his. Just be aware of his fragile ego when broaching the subject, and always emphasize and praise what you like and what he does well first. It’s important not to tell him he’s done something wrong, but to merely let him know what you really like.
Tantric sex is fun, creative, exciting, pleasurable, and completely satisfying physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Making love has the possibility of being life transforming, heart-opening and to bring both you and your partner into a deep state of union.
A Few Things Women Can do to Stopping Faking it is:
- To get know your own body and how to turn yourself on. Find out where your g-spot (goddess spot) is either by yourself or with your partner. Find out what makes you ejaculate and do some Sex Ed 101 together. Just remember to make it a fun and sexy thing to do with each other.
- Take responsibility for your own orgasm and for your own pleasure. Communicate with your partner in a loving and conscious way what does and does not turn you on.
- Don’t put up with mediocre sex just to please him. What your man really wants most is to please you and satisfy you. When you fake it you are depriving him of being able to do that and it will hurt your entire relationship.
- Take the time to learn so fun and new ways to pleasure each other. Watch videos together and take a workshop on sacred sexuality. Another great resource for her pleasure is with Dr. Patti Taylor and Expand Her Orgasm Tonight.
If you just do these four things you will find that your enjoyment of sex, and I mean sexual intercourse specifically, will go up as well as his self-esteem. Remember that sex is a art. It requires the same dedication and practice that it takes to be good at anything. You can also read some of my previous articles found in my archives on a variety of ways to give your woman a faboulous orgasm and on how to become a “lover she will remember.”