When do you know they’re the one? Is it when you get that first butterfly in your stomach? Is it when you realize how good they are for you? Is it when you realize they can change your life for the better? Well, the truth is its different times for different people. It could be at first glance, or it could take years. Truly, you’ll know within a couple of dates if you want a deeper relationship, but that doesn’t mean you know they’re the one.
Say you’re at a nightclub. You see someone from across the room. They return your eye contact. Even at a distance you’re drawn in. They head for the door. You move to intercept. You may even cut a couple of people off along the way. You snare your first really good look. You are not disappointed. Your eyes meet and life as you know it is suddenly over. You’re locked onto each other. You stare shamelessly. It’s like nothing you’ve ever encountered. A bond forms on first sight. Smiling at them, you move forward, but stumble over your own foot. You share a laugh.
Is this the start of something special? You bet. Is it going to last? Who the hell knows? Many relationships that start by way of irresistible urge are quite rocky, but you can’t write it off just because of where you first laid eyes on your future. Meeting someone in the bar is not what some people consider reliable. However, you’re a good person and you were in the bar. Maybe they were dragged there by a friend because they were lonely. Maybe it’s their first time, and the last time they’ll be at a bar in their life. Maybe they’re there every night. You have to go deeper to know the answers to these questions. And they may just be irrelevant questions.
On the other hand, conservative love, love with someone you can totally depend on is easier to make last, but is it really love? Or has your brain told your heart to love them so that you’re not alone? Perhaps you have a nice heartbreak-free life with them. Is this wrong? Is it a cop-out to want your life to be…easy? It’s love, but it’s a different brand of love.
Love that makes you palpitate, now that is what the soul craves. Deep down inside we want the flame of passion that lights the universe. If you can make it last with someone that you are beguiled by, wow, you’re going to have some really special years. But passion does not supply the only palpitation. Love that grows over time because of mutual respect can make your heart jump in your chest too. It may just not be as overwhelming. The truth is you’ll know they’re the one when your heart flutters. But whether that flutter is wild or the voice of reason, it’s still love, and you still know. Neither one is right or wrong. That decision belongs to your brain.