I grew up believing a lot of the stereotypes that were often generated by women about men. As I grew older and began to have relationships with men I realized how wrong I was about what men really wanted from women.
Women, just like men, have ideas or myths about each other that are fed to us by our culture, the media, movies, books, music and television. It isn’t until we are in a relationship that these myths get challenged and we begin to realize that what men want from women is not that much different from what women want from men.
That having been said, I recently came across an article, What Men Want in a Relationship that named six things men want in women and felt that they were pretty accurate. (This article was based on asking a number of men who were into self growth what they wanted in a woman. So their answers reflect that particular group.)
1. Men want honest, timely and loving communication. Men like directness in communicating with women. They want honesty and prefer that a woman be able to ask for what she wants clearly. They want a woman to get to the bottom line and then tell the story if need be rather than the other way around. They like a woman who knows what she wants and needs and can ask for it. Men like a woman to communicate without being abusive or too critical. Kindness and compassion are much more effective.
2. Men want self-confident, secure and self-sufficient women. A man wants to be wanted for himself, not for what he owns, drives or can provide for the woman. Conscious men what a woman who has her own life, her own friends and who is fulfilled and feels good about herself. A woman who is confident and secure within her own being first is much more attractive and will find that her own priorities will change when choosing a man.
3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship. “Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s minds nor try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.” (Renata Paries)
4. Men want growth, personal responsibility and ownership. Conscious men want conscious women who take responsibility for their “baggage” and are willing to grow in the relationship. They want a woman who can see her part in the relationship dynamics and who is courageous enough to say so. They want a woman who has courage and strength and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.
5. Men want fidelity and commitment in a relationship. The myth is that men want to play the field and are only interested in sex. That if a younger or prettier woman comes along he will stray. The truth is that for most men fidelity is a high priority and they want a woman who can commit wholeheartedly.
6. Men want a woman who understands men and knows how men need to be treated. In Alison Armstrong’s work, The Amazing Development of Men, she states that there are four stages men go through. Each stage requires different things that women can offer men. But the one thing that all men want is to be heard and listened too without interruption. They want to be appreciated for being men and not compared to what the perfect man might do in a similar situation. Men want to feel respected and honored and acknowledged for what they do right more than what they do wrong.
7. Men want a sexually empowered woman. Of course I had to add this one since I am a teacher of sexuality. The men that I have spoken with or even been with personally all appreciate a woman who is comfortable with her body and knows what she likes and does not like, and who is not afraid to ask or share with a man what that is. Men want a woman who can be sexually aware and educated about themselves. They also appreciate a woman who knows how to pleaase a man. So that it is a give and take not all one sided.
Of course, there are most likely many more qualities that men who are committed to self growth and awareness might want in a woman. But I hope these six give you some food for thought and maybe an interest to learn more. I highly recommend taking any of Alison Armstrong’s courses at Pax for a start.