Every morning you wake with this all consuming thought. What happened to my baby, she won’t listen to me anymore, she cries all the time, she’s moody and now that he is gone she’s all my problem. He father moved out, he rarely calls and keeps missing his weekend visits. When you tell her it will all work out and try to help she just leaves the area, even small talk is difficult. You can’t think of a time when you both needed each other more; and yet there is a disconnect. One good thing is that you are so focused on her needs that you forget about your own pain. Or, is it really pain, you feel a sense of peace that it is finally over and yet you feel a sense of sadness, a hollow sort of feeling …Yes a sense of loss.
All of this is normal for most families picking up the pieces after divorce can difficult. Because human beings are complicated. No human being has only one or two dimensions, we all have many dimensions to our personalities and when things happen to upset what was once the norm for a family getting back to normal is easier said than done. Now doesn’t that feel good, to know that it’s OK to be frustrated, sad and a little confused. Well, guess what it is also OK for your child to be frustrated, hurt and totally confused. Don’t press your daughter to open up. Go about your home putting things in order. Take some time to steady yourself and give your daughter time to get grounded as well. Keep telling her how much both of you love her and that this is hard on all of you. But you will get to the other side. Assure her Daddy will come and call as soon as he can and that you don’t hate each other; you just can’t live together. When she is older she will have a better understanding of the functionings of the dynamics between a man and a woman in a relationship. But until then, she really does not need to hear you bash her father, it’s a great idea to talk to her father about not bashing you either. Explain to him in the best interest of everyone especially your daughter for your communications to be as peaceful as possible.
Gradually you can start to rebuild your relationship with your daughter who is probably disappointed, worried, afraid and hurt right now. All those things are ok, just be there for her when she finds her way out of the fog. There are many other things that can help her make the adjustment, new activities, new special moments between the two of you. Create a special night, maybe Friday nights can be upside down Fridays, you could do something different like have breakfast for dinner, watch girl movies (age appropriate of course) and give each other facials and do your nails. I have found a few sites that may be helpful to you. One organization called “Kids in the Middle”, KM(2005), helps kids express their feelings using a team approach with peers and counselors. GIve them a call, check them out, your daughter may feel more comfortable sharing with here peers and other members of the team-for now. ” Let me know how this works for you. Another site that may be able to help the two of you is Considering divorce, the site seems to have a lot of helpful suggestions that might help you make the transition easier for your family.
No one likes to shatter the core of thier family with divorce; but working together will help you all. We never know what tomorrow will bring, but one thing is certain. Once you make it through this day you will be stronger and before you know it, you will be able to share your strenght to help someone else. That’s what I did and guess what I made it to the other side. : )
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” Peace of mind is a wonderful thing! “