The waning days of summer can be depressing, and the folks behind the Go Topless organization know this. Which is why, for the last three summers, supporters of the movement have held bare-breasts protests for constitutional equality between men and women. Simply put: the right to go topless in public.
If there’s no law prohibiting the display of man-boobs – better known as ‘moobs’ in some circles (such as my bathroom mirror) – in our public places, supporters say, why regulate a woman’s ability to release the hounds in the same locales?
In truth, the end of summer has little to do with when the annual protest is held. August 26 is Women’s Equality Day, the anniversary of the day women were given the right to vote. Since 2007, Go Topless Day has been scheduled for the Sunday that falls closest to that date.
For those currently packing lawn chairs and a cooler full of cold ones for the rally in your area, the 2010 running of the Chi-Chis is this Sunday, August 22.
This year, women in nine cities – Austin, Chicago, Denver, Honolulu, Los Angeles, Miami, New York, San Francisco and Seattle – will proudly parade through public places with pumpkins on display, covering only their nipples with stickers that, well, look like nipples.
Still, the Sisterhood of the Traveling Sweater Bunnies can only accomplish so much. For the movement to succeed, Go Topless Director Nadine Gary knows she has to reach out to the segment of the population most interested in topless equality.
No, not nursing newborns (they can’t hold protests signs), but men – many of whom, when topless, resemble two pink eyes peeking at you through a Wookie costume.
“The guys are great,” Gary says, “They understand this issue and we get lots of cooperation from males.”
This quote was brought to you by the Department of the Bloody Freakin’ Obvious.
In 2010, however, male followers of this movement are doing more than welcoming the female protesters with open palms… er, arms.
This year, many of the men in the host cities are stepping forward and putting their undergarments where their moobies are.
In a show of solidarity, male protesters will be tucking their mannery glands inside bras and bikini tops.
“This is much more than wanting women to go topless,” a 63-year old Chicago dentist told AOL News. “It’s about equal rights,” he said, in a desperate attempt to sound somewhat sincere.
And, I’m guessing, also about testing his ED medicine in a crowd of half-naked women.
It also must be noted that Gary and other Go Topless supporters are members of the Raelian religion, which believes that humans were created by an advanced race of alien scientists.
Hmmm: you’d think the male protesters could simply cover their man-breasts with the tinfoil left over from the hat-making process.
Surprisingly, what the Go Topless org describes as “Top Freedom” is not against the law in many areas of the U.S., with New York, Miami, Boulder (tee-hee), D.C. and Portland, Oregon, among them.
“It’s a matter of fairness,” Nadine Gary concludes, “We want equal topless rights for all or for none.”
Who am I to argue with such erudite logic? Although, full-fledged boob exposure is something perhaps society should be eased into slowly. Let’s start with tennis, gymnastics, jogging and aerobics and see where that takes us.
In the meantime, I’ll see you on Sunday. I’ll be the bald guy in the powder blue Vanity Fair Underarm Smoother.
The ad said the Smoother model has extra-supportive wings, and is one of the best on the market to help minimize back fat.