Conflict arises from a misunderstanding of what the other’s internal world is telling them is real. When we have a conflict with a loved one and find it hard to push forward, this is the time we must practice our divine pause and find peace within the moment. We can bring enlightenment to each other through acts of selflessness and empathy.
Putting together two individuals and asking them to see the same view points, moral values, emotional responses, or styles of communication is like asking a cat to be a dog. It just does not work. The beauty is in the individual and its life within the relationship which must stay strong and be present to offer its self to the whole. As we start a relationship, we are very amenable to doing what the other wants and trying not to complain about it or say just how we really feel. We are more open to the other’s wants and needs and start to see how they might blend with ours. This is a good start to creating a workable relationship but what happens after the feel good beginning heads toward an intermission? What happens when things get rocky and unclear?
Finding a solution to a relationship dispute could be as easy as just listening – really listening not talking or making up answers in your mind to what is being said. We all have a tendency to jump forward and interpret the other persons pain based on a factual experience of our own. We want so badly to be in company with another’s pain as it allows us to feel righteous and indemnified toward our own past actions. But, it is when we really listen we find we may hear our own voice crying out for help. As our partners are our best guides to becoming a person that is whole and balanced, their inconsistencies, challenges, and faults are mirrors to our own. They are there to bring to light the things we wish to keep hidden and try to make excuses for. Our relationships are like blank canvases which are decorated with our ideas, visions, and interpretations of how love should be given and received.
What does your canvas look like?
The best medium for our canvas is compassion. Compassion means that your own will and need is not greater than your brother. Compassion is what leads to kindness and unconditional love. We are all striving for this common denominator which is love. This love is a force that exists inside of all of us but is shadowed by the ego’s tricks and decisive illusions that we consider our needy reality. When we do not have a sense of compassion for our partner we will always have room for conflict as we will be egocentric in our reactions. We will then be in a state of defensiveness and make our opinions and desires the focal point of our design ignoring other possible styles and textures that could make the painting a one of a kind piece of work. Dropping the ego and allowing our heart to open to another’s pain and concern is the liquid that keeps the paint from getting clumpy and unusable. When we stop to realize, in that moment of pause, that this person has a completely different vision which has been colored by various experiences, voices of reason, and emotional responses then we can be in a receptive state of love and true compassion by not taking things personally and becoming an ally not an enemy.
Love is the answer to the disagreements and the nonsensical ideas which bring about conflict in our relationships. This love must be extended toward our self as well as our partner. This love has to stand taller than our perceived needs and offer itself unconditionally. Sometimes this love must learn to let go in times of conflict but stay strong to find love again. It is this openness and awareness we achieve that allows us to grasp our true state of oneness. When our brush strokes stay flowing and fill the page with colors of pleasing light we can offer our canvas to others and make a successful montage.
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