Season #6 you ask? Yes, if you recall to a time way back when in 2004, Brett Favre began making his farewell tour. This is the 6th season since the beginning of his waffling, and the reality is we all know Brett is coming back.
In celebration of this historic event, 6 years running, let’s have some fun with it…
Seriously. No joke. I have decided to no longer refer to him by his birth name. From now on, I will refer to him as “The man who Google’s himself daily,” or TMWGHD. TMWGHD is in love with himself, and TMWGHD cannot fathom the thought of not being in the news. The ongoing saga on TMWGHD has been occurring routinely since 2004 when the thought of retirement actually being a possibility first seeped into his mind, and TMWGHD began his farewell tour(s).
Go figure that TMWGHD played in New York 2 seasons ago. Other players with similar googling tendencies that play or have played in “The Big Apple,” range from A-Rod, Clemens, Reggie Jackson, Sean Avery, Marbury, Shockey, Barber, LT, Keyshawn, Broadway Joe, Brian Cox, John McEnroe (residence), and I think you get the point.
TMWGHD wants you to believe he has that “aw, shucks” persona, and TMWGHD plays it off well. John Madden has a love affair with the man, and gushes about TMWGHD every time he broadcasts one of his games. Is it coincidental that when TMWGHD retired “for good” after the 2008 campaign, Madden similarly stepped away from broadcasting the same season? Madden probably had no idea how to console himself other than grabbing a winter’s worth of turduckin. Joke was on Madden, as TMWGHD could not quit his waffling tendencies and made a return to the Vikings in July 2009.
TMWGHD will be a month shy of 41 when the season begins. We get it, TMWGHD, we know that you love the game every offseason and come to miss it so much that you throw those cleats on for one last memorable season, with your habitual farewell tour at each city you stop in. When the season ended in New York in 2008, you know who seemed the happiest? Your teammates. Thomas Jones and Kerry Rhodes, two leaders from the Jets at the time, seemed relieved that the season was over and explained what circumstances would need to exist for them to want you back on the team. When this happens, it shows that you are no longer wanted around, TMWGHD.
Have some pride, TMWGHD, and walk off into the twilight and never lace those cleats up again. You have had a great run, shattering countless records and winning a Super Bowl. TMWGHD, you have won 3 MVP’s. What more do you want? What is left to accomplish? With the Vikings last year, you proved something that John McCain could not when he ran for office in 2008, and that was that you had ‘one left’ in you. Before you tarnish your reputation any further, please just stop all the speculation that you might be back in the NFL next season. Please, just squash it now. We know you will be back, it is much the same as we understand our taxes must be filed on 15 April. All that is left is the eventual “Breaking News: TMWGHD is returning for the 2010 NFL season,” scrolling across the bottom line of ESPN.
The Vikings are clearly on the short list of teams that can go to and win the Super Bowl, and you nearly got there last season. What happens if you fall short again this season, throwing a season ending interception across your body at the speed of an old lady crossing an empty intersection with crutches? I would prefer you walk away, and accept a job with the FOX pre-game show on Sunday’s with your BFF Michael Strahan, I can accept that. If not, I do not want to see you again until your jersey is retired in Green Bay (if that bridge has not already been torched) and you are inducted into Canton.
Who am I kidding. TMWGHD will be at the helm for the Vikings this season, the grandfather of the league (literally). Old greybeard is determined to prove he has something left in the tank…the problem is he does not want to be at training camp with the other 80 + individuals trying to prove it. TMWGHD will show up a week before the first preseason game, throw some routes to Rice, Harvin and Berrian, and go from there. We will all forget the saga that is TMWGHD when the season starts, and he knows that. It is always about TMWGHD, and always will be, no matter how much he chooses to ignore this fact.