Ever wonder why you can be so nice, loving and kind to others and they turn around and hurt you for no apparent reason? It’s usually because they themselves are hurt. It may have been a hurt that happened deep in their past, but all the same, it’s still with them. That hurt festers inside deeply until it becomes a part of them. They do not realize or even understand that they are transferring that hurt onto others. Until they get delivered from that past hurt, they will continue to unknowingly abuse others.
As the one being hurt by these hurting people, it is easy for you to become angry with them and wish you’d never met them. You try to put the puzzle together as to why they did this to you, but can’t quite see the big picture and never get an understanding. You wonder how a friend or someone you love, and thought loved you, could be so harsh towards you. But, it’s not their fault entirely. Try to see past the circumstance and pray for them to be delivered from what or whoever pushed them into this cycle hurting others. Dislike the way they treated you, but still love them as a human being.
God commands that we love our neighbors as we love ourselves. That’s the point you need to take into account. Ask yourself if the person that hurt you really loves themselves. If you dig deep enough into what you know about them, the answer will probably be “no”. They may take good care of themselves by making sure they have things, and say they love themselves, but deep down inside, something is missing. Because the hurt is taking up space in their hearts, there is no room for real love in there. A personal and intimate relationship with God needs to heal and replace that hurt so that real love can flow throughout. Until then, they are walking in what they think is love for themselves. So, they really do love others as they love themselves, but it’s not a Godly love.
As you come to understand this, make it a point to not just walk away and forget about them, but pray earnestly for their deliverance and peace. Pray for them to face their hurt and allow God to heal them. In some cases, you can still be friends, but not put yourself in the way of being hurt by them again. Guard your heart as you deal with hurt people. Sometimes the hurt is so deeply hidden; it’s hard for you to recognize that it’s in them. You must pray for discernment in every instance. For every person you meet and become friends with, do not go into the relationship blindly, but with a discerning heart. Don’t let the outside communication and actions they portray lead you astray.
Realize that a person who is free from hurt and pain is usually someone who is open, honest, and willing to show you their heart without retreat at the first sign of conflict. Why? Because they do not use their past hurt as a reference to the conflict. John 8:36 says, “If the Son therefore shall make you free, you shall be free indeed.” The word “indeed” means real, true, surely, or doubtless. So, when God heals, it is a true healing and leaves a person totally free in the spirit and in their heart.
If it is you who has not resolved your hurt, and you find yourself hurting others, you need to deal with that hurt before getting involved with others. Otherwise, you will become an intricate part in spreading pain.
In Matthew 5:44, Jesus tells us, “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;”