How do you get from being an angry loner, picked last for most team sports, a D- student, with bad teeth, pimple faced, directionless, suspicious, non-trusting, extremely pessimistic, low self esteemed person to some where else more healthier.
I’m still not sure I could answer that question with a straight answer.
I’m still a work in progress and process. If there is an answer, it’s somewhere in that truthful sentence above.
I’m clearer about the answers for me and I’m also clear that my personal answers may not be your answers.
My best mentor was someone I never met. His name was Bob Earl. Bob was a recovering alcoholic, a drug and sugar addict who smoked. I was turned on to Bob by my realtor, who was a dysfunctional recovering alcoholic. I was 47 at the time.
Thirty years from the time I first left home at seventeen.
I wasn’t into drugs and alcohol at all. I didn’t drink, thought people who did were idiots and drugs were for fools. I was into full blown self righteousness, successful on the outside, beautiful home, wife and two kids, talented, yet lonely, lost emotionally and very outer directed.
I was listening to the “experts”, reading their books, going to their workshops and I was still lost trapped in a persona I had created called “Paul Coulter” successful on the outside lost inside.
The people I asked gave me answers that only seemed to keep me trapped. Bob’s advice on cassettes from talks he gave to his fellow “lost souls” in AA resonated for me.
One phrase that jumped out at me on one of his tapes was, “show up each day prepared to play and trust you’re enough”.
Bob’s stories on the tapes about himself were funny, embarrassing, and deeply self revealing. My first exposure ever to someone who was painfully, open, authentic, and willing to be extremely vulnerable.
He was the first beacon of light that talked about his “truth”, his “pain”, his “confusion” and his “struggle” with fear and uncertainty. He was sharing this for everybody to see and hear and was willing to share it openly.
I was trying to “hide mine” and “fix me” to ease my pain, self doubt and uncertainty and hoped no one else caught on to my “game” of self denial.
So some first steps for me, I heard, were to be open, and honest with myself and then with my wife so who I was could “show up prepared to play and trust I was enough”. Part of that openness meant sharing many years of infidelity with my wife who had no clue.
I don’t recommend this as a first step.
Trust me on that!
So what truth’s are you hiding from, what are you avoiding addressing that’s keeping you “stuck”?
If your process of self awareness lacks personal integrity all the “how to” answers won’t help you one bit.
So what is your “truth”? Being at truth is what sets you FREE.
If you aren’t willing to share, chances are your getting “somewhere” will wind up being no where.
You can meet my friend Bob at http://www.healtalk.com/public/38.shtml. You can also down load a FREE James Allen’s book As A Man Thinketh.