Have you gotten to the point where you recognize certain emotions are running your life, but you don’t know how to manage them? The fact is that everyone experiences this. In today’s world, however, the solution is to label it a disorder and take a pill to control the emotion and behavior.
Life is constantly changing. And the experiences we have shape our thoughts about what we believe to be right or wrong, good or bad. In essence, we become judgmental (and rigid!) about the way we view ourselves, others, and the world. This becomes our Belief System!
Birth + Good Experiences + Bad experiences + Cultural/Generational Norms and values = NOW
This natural phenomenon happens from the moment we enter this world. Gender, ethnicity, cultural and generational gaps are some of the criteria we use to decide who we will be in relationship with. People with common interests come together and create a sense of belonging. This is one of the most basic human needs. From a broad view we can say, “We are human beings!” We can also say, “We are Americans, Europeans, or Israeli’s!” What happens when we do this? Similarities and differences appear, and we start to categorize…otherwise known as having an opinion!
It is impossible not to have an opinion on subjects that we hold important. But when our thinking becomes the law from which all others should live, we create unhealthy negative emotion within ourselves. Examples of Unhealthy Negative Emotion: Anxiety, Depression, Guilt, Shame, Hurt, Unhealthy Anger, Jealousy, and Envy. In fact, when our belief system about ourselves, others and the world is held as an absolute way of life, we become unconscious and unintentional in our emotions and behaviors. We become irrational as people!
We all need to feel like we belong somewhere. Even in our groups where we have common interests and goals, differences will show up. Rigid thinking will lead to unhealthy emotions and unhealthy behavior will follow right behind. So how do we stop our emotions from hijacking us and get back to Right Relationships?
To live the best life possible, let go of right and wrong, good or bad. Look for understanding. Every time you start to feel judgmental about yourself, others or the world, tap into:
The 3 Core Beliefs
U.S.A. – Unconditional self-acceptance:
1.I am a fallible human being; I have my good points and my bad points. I’m going to screw up from time to time!
2.There is no reason why I must not have flaws. I’m not perfect – no one is…STOP TRYING!
3.Despite my good points and my bad points, I am no more worthy and no less worthy than any other human being. Don’t rate yourself based on your titles or your possessions. It doesn’t define who you are.
U.O.A. – Unconditional other-acceptance:
1.Other people will treat me unfairly from time to time. Although we would prefer people to treat us kindly, there are no laws in the universe that say just because I want someone to treat me a certain way, that they should.
2.There is no reason why they must treat me fairly.
3.The people who treat me unfairly are no more worthy and no less worthy than any other human being. We all behave badly sometimes – we’re human…we make mistakes.
U.L.A. – Unconditional life-acceptance:
1.Life doesn’t always work out the way that I’d like it to.
2.There is no reason why life must go the way I want it to….and there are no laws in the universe to support my demand!
3.Life is not necessarily pleasant but it is never awful and it is nearly always bearable.
Remaining flexible in our opinions, and realizing that there is no scientific evidence to support our demanding beliefs, allows us to manage our negative emotions and make rational decisions. There are big differences between being consciously concerned, sad, frustrated AND what is now known as an Anxiety Disorder, Depression, and Anger Management Disorder.
On a global level we are at war. The reality is the war first starts within ourselves and then it spreads to others and the world. Imagine if man could emotionally evolve to the point where he never felt unhealthy anger? What would be the behavioral outcomes of healthy frustration? Wouldn’t it look different? There would be no such thing as verbal, physical or emotional abuse. Emotionally healthy individuals would create healthy couples, families, organizations, countries. We are at epidemic levels of self destruction. The entertainment industry is making millions from us. Shows like, Nanny 911, Wife Swap, and The Biggest Loser are examples of our unhealthy emotions leading to unhealthy behavior. We even have shows for emotionally unhealthy dogs like, “It’s Me or the Dog!”. Not surprisingly, the host, Victoria Stilwell says its 80% training the owners, and 20% training the dog.
Let’s stop choosing avoidance behavior, roll up our sleeves, and get right down to changing our thinking! I promise you the results will be empowerment vs. self-downing, peace vs. pain, and passionate healthy Right Relationships vs. disconnected, indifferent, unconscious groups of people. If we start to shift our thinking, three generations from now we will truly be able to experience IDIC. Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combination. WOW!
Kathleen Mangiafico is a Relationship Specialist. She can be reached at [email protected]
Go to http://www.drdavestein.com for more information on ADD/ADHD disorders