It may sound strange but if you’re going to get hurt, make sure that your heart gets completely broken, smashed and beaten to an unrecognizable pulp because it really is the best way. What am I smoking, you ask? Nothing at the moment, but my point is that no relationship break up is fun or easy, even if there is no drama, so you might as well really go for it. I have found that the worst post-breakup pain is experienced by people who say things like, “I don’t know if I even loved him anyway, so why did I put up with his crap”, or “I knew she wasn’t the one so why did I waste so much time with her.” The hardest thing to deal with after a relationship ends, isn’t anger or sadness, but regret.
Most of the regret comes from getting into, and staying in, a relationship for the wrong reasons. Too often, we end up with people that we’re really not that into, or we end up holding back on, because we’re afraid of investing too much emotionally and getting hurt. In these situations, you are not honest with yourself or the other person and that breeds mistrust resentment and passive-aggressive tendencies, with no way to resolve issues even if you want to. By then you’ve already gone so far down the road, you don’t even know what it is that you want anymore and the relationship becomes toxic.
When it ultimately ends, there is nothing but bitterness and hostility since you are just as angry at yourself as the other person. All you can focus on is the negative and this is what you bring into subsequent relationships. Does sound like a good way to get hurt? This results in a different kind of blow–not one to the heart but to the ego/mind and that has a longer recovery time.
The people that tend to have break-ups that can actually make them more successeful in subsequent relationships, are the ones who really gave 100% of themselves, physically, mentally and emotionally, meaning they were “all in” even if they didn’t know what would happen, and who are willing to risk giving into emotions and being vulnerable. If the the other party ulitimately takes advantage of it or abuses it or even changes his/her mind about you, you know that you did everything you could on your end, so despite the unbearable pain of having your heart smashed, you are in a better place to be able to completely move on at some point. You’re not focusing on the time and energy you wasted on past relationships but on the great feeling of really loving someone. That is a powerful feeling and will allow you to move on and ultimately find the person who will reciprocate.