My best friend often tells me she feels like what I write is about her, and I keep telling her that usually, what she’s going through is what at least four other people I’ve talked through are dealing with also. I write about things that everyone goes through and when a number of people have the same problems or feelings in a short time period, I write about it because I spend so much time thinking about it. It’s not all about her.
Since the beginning of the year, she and I have both been through breakups and the emotional upheaval women naturally go through in their 30’s when they are still looking for a partner to share their life with. At some point after the break up and before seriously finding our dating legs again every woman goes through the phase when we don’t want to even think about another man in our lives yet and that leads to the phase where we are sure we’re going to end up as the ‘crazy cat lady’. So what should you say to your BFF when she hits the ‘I’m gonna be alone forever’ stage?
- Feel free to laugh at her, but do it nicely: Sometimes, a chuckle from a friend reminds that we may be a bit emotional and over the top with out thinking. It’s one of the great things about having a BFF
- Remind her that women feel this way: Almost all of us will go through this feeling at least once after our late 20’s. It’s normal.
- Remind her that this feeling goes away: Eventually, we get asked out again. It happens. That, too, is normal. As long as she doesn’t let this temporary fear lead her to depression, life will go on.
- Encourage her to take this time to build her life around what she wants: There’s no better time to finally do all those things we want to do and don’t have time for when we’re seeing someone. Take a class, join a community sports team, go to a new restaurant or bar every week, find a new job, start a savings account… something, anything that helps build up the woman that we wish we were.
What shouldn’t you say to someone feeling this way? There aren’t many things you can do that will be wrong on this topic:
- Don’t tell her she’s being crazy: She’s not. She’s being normal, but since she’s seeing ‘crazy cat lady’ in her future the word ‘crazy’ isn’t the best way to go.
- Don’t tell her the next guy she dates is sure to be the one: You mean to be encouraging, but you both know the next guy is no more likely than the last.
- Don’t list off all the women who are 60, single, and love it: Yahoo for all the women who manage to be happy and content without a partner, but most of us would like someone in our lives.
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Nan Clegg, Rapid City Womens Relationship Examiner
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