Many women in today’s world are carrying around too much emotional baggage. Emotional baggage- experiencing a hurt from a previous relationship, hurt then turns to fear and that fear is carried into the next relationship. Women with emotional baggage will often find themselves saying “All men are dogs” or “Men are full of ish” when this is not the case because all men are different. The past needs to be left in the past.
A common mistake women make is not taking the time to get over the previous relationship and taking time for themselves. Take the time to do you and figure out what you want in life and learn to love yourself. There is no need to rush into another relationship because you will only keep adding to the baggage in your life instead of dealing with it. Until you are clear of saying “I will never trust or love another man again” you are not ready to bring someone new into your life because it will turn out just the way you are waiting on it to turn out. Women can’t expect one man to walk into their life and fix all of their emotional baggage in three days or one week. A man wants a women who is baggage free, knows what she wants, and will not be waiting on him to mess up at every moment.
Having an open heart and mind is key in the dating game. No matter how many times you have been cheated on, lied to, or left heartbroken you must be positive and keep your heart and mind available. Some of you might be thinking that will leave you too vulnerable and you will definitely get hurt. Your right there is a 50/50 chance you will end up hurt but with those odds there is also a chance you can end up happy and not living and waiting for the next man to mess up. If you are expecting him to cheat on you he will. If you are going through his phone every chance you get to see if he is texting/calling other girls you will find it. A wise woman once told me “you will find what you go looking for” and when you find it you can’t get mad because you found what you were looking for.
Instead of wasting your time “waiting” on him to mess up devote that time to getting to know him and having fun. If the time comes and you find out he cheated or any other situation you will at least be able to say you tried with an open heart and mind and you will allow the next man the same opportunity.
For the women who think they have no emotional baggage here are some signs that you do….
*You don’t open up– You refuse to let a man get to close to you because of wounds from a previous relationship.
*Your actions speak louder than your words– You tell him how much you care, like, or love him but your actions are saying you don’t want him to get too close.
*You test him– Everyday is a test for him and nothing more doing something so simple as to text/call him and wait to see how long it takes him to respond and when he does not respond in the allotted amount of time you get hysterical. You want him to pass but never give him a chance to make anything other than a D-.
*Carrying around stereotypes and hang-ups– Two of your ex’s cheated on you now all men are cheaters. One of your ex’s danced with a girl in the club now all men are up to no good when in the club. Thinking things like, every man in your past relationships has hurt you so maybe your not as attractive as other women. Telling yourself no man wants to be with you ever and they will all hurt you.
*You don’t take responsibility for your mistakes– You blame all of your ex’s for any problems in your new relationship. From this you have now realized you are the victim in all past and new relationships.
Ok, so now you have read the signs and now know you are lugging around baggage. Here are some tips to unload that baggage of yours….
*Learn something from each relationship that didn’t work. Learn what you need to learn and don’t dwell on the past it takes too much time and energy
*Let every guy you meet start with a 100% and dock percentages when he messes up. This does not mean take 50% because he didn’t call or text you back. Sit down and decide what’s important to you and give those a higher percent and the things that are not big give them lower percents.
*Don’t discuss how you have been hurt in every relationship and what each man did to hurt you. He will automatically see you have more baggage than he is willing to deal with and he will disappear fast.
*Take the time to sit down and decide what you need to have in a healthy relationship. Doing so before you meet him helps you stay focused and know if he is or isn’t living up to what you expect from a partner.
Carrying too much baggage will only slow you down and give you a bad back. Don’t be a bag lady all of your life, unpack that baggage and stay a while. Ladies you must remember “All men are NOT dogs” men treat us how we show them to treat us. There are good men out there but some of you are so busy stereotyping that you will not notice him when he is right in front of you.
If you have any questions or simply need advice on your relationship or dating contact me at [email protected]