Just like the song “Everybody Plays the Fool” by Aaron Neville, I believe that we all have played the fool or have been a victim in a relationship at one time or another. What I would like to focus on are the extreme victims who were played the fool until the point of emotional distress, loss of self, detachment of self and low self esteem, just to name a few side effects.
People always assume that when you talk about an abusive relationship that you always mean a “couple.” That is not always the case. An abusive relationship is with a person that you relate to. For example, it could be a relative, friend mate or partner. Usually, we allow ourselves to be apart of these types of relationships because we have got so use to being treated badly or unfairly and without any justice. Your rationality begins to accept that this is as good as it is going to get. The abuser might confirm that by saying, “I am the best that you will ever have” or something to that matter. You begin to feel a sense of helplessness and hopelessness which creates emotional distress, anxiety and a few side effects that I named above. The longer you stay, the deeper the hole you sink into. You become paralyzed, and when an opportunity arises to make a change, you don’t. You have been programmed or trained to believe over a period of time through emotional/physical traumas that you will die or something bad will happen to you, if you leave. For example, look at Jaycee Dugard, the little girl who was abducted for 18 years. There were times she probably could have ran away, but she did not. Why? Because she was programmed to stay in a bad situation thinking that is her life. It is control without the chains almost like we train animals to obey. If you are good you get rewarded, if you don’t comply then there will be hell to pay. We also start to believe that we were bad and deserve to be punished. This is all a form of mind control used on the weak by the narcissistic type (more on that later).
If you are a victim of an abusive relationship, please do not give up on yourself and your rights to critical thinking. Always ask questions, if something does not make sense to you. If you notice that person who is being questioned has a serious problem with your inquisitiveness, bail, bounce, step leave whatever lingo you use, just do it. Do not drink the Kool-Aid! Listen and trust your instincts or someone could steal your mind right from under your nose.
Lastly, if you have children, please love them and support them. Let them know that they are special, especially little girls and boys. Abusers search for children or teens that are unloved and not wanted. For example, kids in adoption agencies, foster care, homeless, no rules or regulations in their lives or just living with parents that take care of them physically, but not emotionally. Abusers/predators know that they are searching for love and acceptance, and believe me, it is noticeable. Fill them up with love at home, so when they go out, they are not starving for attention in the streets.
Until next time, stay critical.