A groom involved with wedding planning was once something of a jackalope, a creature that only existed in myth. Now, though, engaged grooms are frequently sited.
However, tune into any reality wedding show and you’re guaranteed to hear the three words that warn of a bridezilla: “It’s my wedding!” Many brides turn to this phrase, as they have been raised to believe that this is their very own special day, the day they get to be a princess.
But, a wedding is a celebration of the couple, not of a single member of that pair.
The modern take on a traditional wedding is beginning to recognize this, but the shift is a process (similar to stay at home dads). Grooms now participate in multiple decisions during wedding planning. On a weekend in June, the Columbus Athenaeum was surprised that all of the scheduled visits had been made by grooms. How is this change being accepted, though?
Early in my own wedding planning, I was surprised to find myself in the middle of a discussion of flowers. I was insisting on red roses. My groom was uncertain.
“They’re my flowers!” I’d finally exclaimed.
“But they’re our pictures,” he’d responded.
His point rang clear. While past brides have been left to their own opinions and decisions, many modern couples have to negotiate and – you guessed it – compromise.
As grooms become more involved in “our day” (rather than “my day”), a few elements perhaps need to remain separate. For example, the dress. A woman’s and man’s tastes are decidedly different, no matter how the similar their personalities. Tradition mandates that the groom not see the bride in her dress before the special day and, for the happiness of all involved, this tradition should likely be upheld.
That being said, the groom should also have his own realm. We will always have the double standard that the bride can see the groom in his tux before the wedding but not vice versa, but what’s the harm in a groom selecting his own tux?
I was surprised to learn that the owner of Skeffington’s Formalwear (on Sawmill Road) did not select his own tux. He, on the other hand, felt it completely natural that his bride made all of the decisions. If a bride is blessed with an involved groom, perhaps the tux is an area to release entirely to the his opinions.
As grooms become more involved in wedding planning, the day grows into a learning experience for the couple. Double standards can be eliminated (albeit slowly), and the couple can enjoy learning more about each other with every decision made.