You both have had an incredible two weeks together. Nice dinners, movies, a walk in the park, a beautiful night camping, and you even hit a few Red Rocks concerts surprising each other with “groovy dancing” and classic jazz. Things are going so well. It is 7 p.m. on a Saturday night and you wait patiently by the phone, expecting her to call at any moment. A mutual notion the previous night on “possibly hangin’ tonight” has you eagerly anticipating what the night has in store. You have denied a few friends invites for the evening explaining to them how excited you are to hang with your new girl, “she is so great.” You have your brand new button down shirt on and you even bought some new cologne to impress her keen sense of smell.
You wait and you wait and you wait and you wait…………….and you wait…..It is now 9 p.m. and you have not heard a word. In your head you have repeatedly gone over the message you left her around 6:30 p.m. and you question yourself, “Did I say something wrong?”, “Was I supposed to call her?”, “Did the message somehow get erased?”, “Does she not like me?”, “Am I going to lose her?”
More often than not this scenario will arise throughout the first stages of a new romance. At the onset of attachment comes the denial of ever being alone. Believing in the distinct possibility of finally finding “the one” and convincing yourself if your not with her you may lose her. You may lose that one perfect person that makes you feel whole, fills your belly with love and makes the world a brighter place. The self doubt you experience when this person is not near is a natural response during, what I will call, “the honeymoon phase” of a relationship. During this initial phase it is very understandable to want to spend all your time with her or him, this wanting is what makes the romance so exciting.
The true test of character comes when you are not with that person and you want to be. You must learn to allow your partner to have his/ her freedom. There is nothing more taxing on a relationship than co-dependency and or suffocation. All people are individuals and all people need time to themselves or with their closest friends. Many girls need “girl time” and many guys need “guy time.” Girls need to shop, gossip and look at Hollywood photos. Guys need to throw/ hit a ball, belch and throw high fives.
Allow yourselves, throughout the relationship, moments of independence. Enjoy time to yourself and time with your friends. If your girlfriend or boyfriend has not phoned when he or she was supposed to….MOVE ON…find your independence, call a friend, search out a hobby or discover a new book. Learn the balance of your own emotion, do not drown yourself in your own imagination of always thinking something is wrong, believe in yourself and find the beauty in your own independence to keep afloat.
Also, when you do finally hear from your partner, hold them accountable and create a discussion on how you felt when he/ she did not call, keep it civil and trust their explanation, for without trust you will drown.