By now, you’ve probably noticed that things aren’t going according to plan around here. Yesterday, for instance, we attempted to run an article here at Comedy Examiner HQ that would explain some of the trouble we’re having producing new content on dampfang.com. That article, of course, came out looking like something that would end up in the reject-pile in that much-fabled room full of a million monkeys with a million typewriters. Because most of you have been very patient with the changes that have been happening lately, the Comedy Examiner would like to offer up a sort-of explanation for all the shenanigans. Let’s see if he can keep his job after writing the following, my gentle Examiner readers…
There’s no two ways about it, guys: it’s been a tough week for your friendly, neighborhood Comedy Examiner.
I’ve wrestled with how to go about the following for the past few days. Earlier in the week, I thought I’d figured it out, but when the time came to put fingers to keyboard, I was made to understand that the Pub Tool that all Examiners use to compose their articles wasn’t exactly, y’know, working. As a result, it’s taken a few days for me to be able to reach all of you who’ve been such loyal customers here at Comedy Examiner HQ over the past year. So, before we go any further, many apologies for the delayed reaction. Trust me: if I coulda reached out to you quicker, you would have heard from me then.
The thing is, dampfang.com has made some massive changes in the past week, and things are going to be a little different from here on out. Remember those photos that we used to insert between paragraphs? Mmmyeah, that’s not going to be happening anymore. Remember the times when I’d regale you with multiple funny videos in one article, to save you the hassle of clicking through eighteen bajillion articles to watch one multi-part video? Mmmyep, that one’s gone too. In an effort to create a little more uniformity with the site, the format that you’re looking at now is how we’re going to do business from here on out. If you’re not thrilled with the changes, I suggest you write your congressman. Or, hell, write Santa Claus.
Here’s the deal, though: I think we can make this work. Sure, the future articles you receive from the Comedy Examiner’s Office may not be as fancy-pants as they once were, but I’d like to think that at least 50% of what kept you– the loyal, precious snowflakes of the Comedy Examiner’s Office– coming back was our hard-hitting, completely juvenile, often criminally sarcastic writing style. Oh, you’ll be getting plenty of that: make no mistake. And, let’s be frank: we can still get one photo and one video in per page, so it’s not a total wash (as it’s been for the past few days, while dampfang.com’s crack team of tech support folks have worked feverishly to restore dampfang.com to operating standards).
There are more than a few writers around these parts that’ll tell you that this is the end of the world, but come on: the party ain’t over yet. I apologize for the messy-looking articles you guys have received over the past few days, but that was just me trying to stay in touch. Going forward, we’re going to do our absolute best to continue to bring you the best time-killing, anti-productivity you’re likely to waste time on at work. That’s always been our mission here at Comedy Examiner HQ, and that’s still our mission. So, while you may be missing some of those wacky photos and the wealth of funny videos-per-page, I promise we will make up for it with even more content, sharper writing, and even more sarcasm than ever before.
Are you ready? Because I’m ready to get back to work.
Here, for no reason other than the fact that I’m able to include a video at the end of this article, is one of the funniest videos that I’ve ever seen online. If you’ve seen it before, sit tight: we’ll have more brand-new content for you in the days ahead. Thanks for sticking around, guys: your patronage is much-appreciated: